Back To Work.....

Well, another day at work begins. I'll recap my lovely 'weekend'. Monday morning was a typical bad morning in my house. Just like most others. Slamming doors, screaming, crying, yelling. Not to mention what the girls do! No, I'm just kidding. I try to remain as calm as possible, I'm not the one crying and slamming doors. After school wasn't much better. Tuesday was a repeat of Monday.

On Monday though, when I got home from my twelve hour shift, I turned on the kitchen light to see the gallon of milk still sitting there! Needless to say, I kinda flipped out. But they were home. So, I went into their room, and gutted it. Very therapeutic, and very necessary. It was overrun with crap. Then I took my short nap, since I was supposed to have a meeting with HR about my insurance. I had to walk up to the office. All went well, and I even got my new work boots! Even though the size of them is extremely depressing. When the girls got home, I impatiently waited for them to go into their room, where it was clean. Chayse finally went in, and screamed "Mom! What did you do with all our stuff?!?!?!" To which Riley said, "What is she talking about?" and walked in there to see for herself. To their horror and dismay, nothing was left except uniforms and beds. I told them that I threw everything away, and that the garbage man had already come that day. I really only threw away the garbage, a bag and a half worth! The rest went into my closet. The yelling and blaming went on with slamming doors for about a half hour. They stepped up, for one night. Now, amazingly, their room is a mess again, and they don't have anything in it! I really don't understand this.

Tuesday morning was rough, again. So I walked to the beach. It was a BEAUTIFUL day. The soft, white bubbles were floating over the glittery sand. Warm sun shining on my face. I don't get to see the sun much, so it was extra nice. Even butterflies were flying over the water! It was peaceful and quiet. On my way home I stopped off for an ice cream bar and a Coke. Both of which I hardly ever splurge on. So my near perfect day cost me $2 and a few miles on the beach. Then the girls came home......

Our lists are absolutely not working any longer. They did their chores better when they weren't reminded with a list! The laundry finally got done, because I threatened to throw away Riley's pants if she tried to wear them again before washing them. She told me that she washed them last month, so she didn't know why she had to wash them again. I do their laundry sometimes, if it's brought out. I don't expect them to do it ALL. But those uniform pants never made it to the washer. They're done now! The dishwasher is still clean, and full. It's never-ending. If the cats didn't sit at the door and meow for their food, they probably wouldn't get any either! (I would feed them, but they would have to wait until the bus comes, and they REALLY don't like to wait!) Don't know what to do anymore.....

Today, I finally made it to the grocery store. You have no idea how good real food tastes! I had to call a cab, which was a new experience for me. Very expensive, but so worth the food! After I spent almost two hours getting everything after a month of no groceries, it took me almost an hour to unpack it all! I thought I had done great shopping. I spent $147 and my cart was overflowing, and the cashier had to bring out two bags that wouldn't fit. But after I sat down and looked over my receipt, I saw that MOST of my items hadn't rung up properly. It appears that she didn't scan my store card, so I should have saved an extra $30-$40! That's a lot of money, and I called the store manager. I'm going back tomorrow to get my money back. But I'm not calling a cab this time!

Oh, and as far as my date went on Monday, it didn't happen. So much for loser guys!

Parenting......

I was just watching an interview with Jamie Lee Curtis on the new show 'The Talk'. Hey, it's late at work, I'm bored, and I watch tv shows. Actually, not that bad so far though. Anyhow, back to the interview. She was saying how her mother's generation of parents were more 'custodial' parents, meaning they provided for their kids, but left them to their own devices. And unfortunately, parents today are far too 'friendly' with their kids. I was thinking about it, and she's right. To be a good parent, is it better to applaud little Johnny for climbing the ladder to the slide every time he does it, or is it better to not notice when they get to the top and yell to show you? I know that I am so far from being the first of the two, and it makes me feel like a terrible parent, for not being at every PTA meeting, and running every bake sale, as I see some mothers doing. But I don't think I'm the type to completely ignore my kids, either. So if one extreme or the other is undesirable, maybe being somewhere in the middle, as I am, is the better parenting strategy? I want them to be able to talk to me, but I don't have the energy or time to be ecstatic over the tiniest accomplishment. Good job you got a 'A' on your report card! Not so much good jobbing done for riding your bike, that you've been doing for five years........

My Weekend Isn't Like Yours......

My weekend started on Wednesday and ended today, Saturday. Beutiful weather, good times, not a bad 'weekend' at all! Wednesday was a good day to sleep after working, not much happened that night. Thursday was a frantic search to find a ride to a dr's appointment for the girls, all the way in Bluffton! (About a 40 minutes drive, plus the pitstop at the school to get them) Finally found one, a lady I work with. We had fun. Stopped for lunch at Subway, man I miss those sandwiches! Then went to see the doc. All's well, pretty much. Chayse needs to see a therapist, and we're putting her on mild anti-depressants. I don't really like the idea, but I was depressed as a kid, and I don't want her feeling like I did.

After a long ordeal at Walmart Pharmacy, we left with no meds. So now I have to find another ride when they come in. What a mess!! Riley's Halloween costume came. She's going to be an Arabian Princess, or a Ninja Princess. It all depends on her mood that day, and where she decides to wear her belt. Normal would be Arabian Princess, but Riley is FAR from normal, so she of course already tied it around her forehead, and think she looks like a ninja, so we'll see what we end up with! We're still in a desparate search for a costume for Chayse. Fingers crossed I find her ANYTHING at this point!

I got rid of the dog Friday night. Wonderful family in Charleston. I'm confident he's in a better home than I could ever give him. And it's been so peaceful, and so much less stressful in the house since he's left. The rabbit has been able to be out more, which is kind of backfiring so far. He's happy to be running around, and happy to be chewing on all my cords again! As of this afternoon, I have no internet, since my lovely Mr. Petey decided that the cord for that should be lunch. Ugh! If it's not one animal, it's another! I should just go back to my cats!!

My sitter's mom called me and told me that she needs her at home, every night. Apparently Mom is going through a divorce, and is very child-dependant, so she needs her 19 year old daughter home with her every night. How is this fair to the daughter? Or to me, I'm going through a divorce, too! It's not easy, I depend on my kids for strength, too. But I also realize that it isn't fair to them to make them pick up my pieces. I just don't understand some parents. At least she can stay until I find a new one. It was just so hard to find this one....

On another note, a friend called and asked me out to dinner Monday night. My kids are extremely upset. No idea how to handle this one. Sure, he's a guy, but he's just a friend, and they even know him! I need adult time, and free food.......Wonder where I'll be going?

Really??

So apparently I'm really stupid. And I agree. I believed him and his lies for years, and then I stopped believing. When I stopped believing he left for another woman, even though they're "just friends" or "roommates" with whom I found out tonight is WAAAAAYYYYYY more than both!! Because she called me!! And guess where my wedding ring mysteriously turned up? At their house. And guess who was supposed to be getting a ring soon, 'from a pawn shop, but it needs to be sized because its too big', of course? It couldn't be mine, right? Yeah, except that when she sent me a picture, it was MY ring! Why wouldn't I listen to anybody before? The last few months he hasn't been able to pull the wool over my eyes, so when people told me the last few months, I wasn't surprised by anything, except my ring. That really shocked me. Who steals a wedding ring from the woman they SAY they want to work things out with, just so they can move in with the girlfriend, and give her the wedding ring?! A very expensive ring, that I paid for! The whole 'I never wanted to hurt you' thing is crap. He lead me to believe he wanted to be with me, not her, because he didn't want to hurt me? More like he didn't want to lose this option in case she turned out to be nuts! And if she stays with him after all of this, she is nuts! And she actually told me she wanted to be a part of my son's life. Like hell, I say! I feel really stupid to have been sucked in by all of his lies. Even the kids don't like him. I had to beg them to play nice and talk to him on their birthday. Some birthday, talking to a father you can't stand? Sure shows they love me though. I love my little monsters, no matter how frustrating they can be. They can really step up when I need them to. Even if it is after 1 am before they finally get to bed!

In store for another WONDERFUL day tomorrow! Wonder what lies ahead for me then.........

Last Night......

Things are of course hectic around here. Always are. Last night the girls were actually getting along and playing, having a great time. Then comes Mom to spoil the fun. They were playing in my room, so I called them out and told them it was their only warning. If I bust them in there, they're going straight to bed! Well, Riley looks at Chayse and whispers, "We can still play in there, Mom will never know, she just said if she busts us"....ok, but she was still sitting in front of me! Kids......lol

Friends are like.........

Well, it's been an interesting year for friends. New and old. I married my best friend, and we know how that turned out. He's living back in MN with a new 'friend'. She looks like a banana, so he can have her. Anyways, lost that friend, my best friend moved away, stupid military taking MY friends! Geez! And I found a new one, who we shared some fun times, but was pretty unreliable. A trait I could look past if I didnt need anything from her. But she's nuts, so whatever. And if it makes her feel better to blame me, fine. She can be petty like that.

The kids are doing a bit better again with their points. Boy I really need to keep on top of them though! And I'm standing strong on what I tell them. I made chayse call her friend back and tell her no, she can't come over. I had already told her that before she called her friend, but Chayse just ignored me and asked her to come anyhow. She was extremely angry that I made her call Amber back, but I had told her no.

Move on later to when I tell my 'husband' that he can't have any more money unless it's something the baby needs. He got medieval! Wow, suddenly he's gonna take the baby, doesn't care about his dog, and will leave me alone forever. Now as nice as that sounds, and really, it does sound nice, he still has Quinn. But I wouldn't budge, I have a family to feed, too! He tried to say how he needs to get on his feet, and they have things they need. I'm still not sure if 'they' was referring to our son, or to his girly-friend. He has help, I don't!! And I told him that if he wants to live with her, she can support him. I'm doing it all on my own. Then, he went in to apologies and how much he needs me. And he wants to come home. Good, but I really don't think I'm ready for that right now, if ever. He can't come back just because he starts telling me what it is that I want to hear, you know? Oh, yeah, and the girls get their drama from him, because now he's dying.......really??

Today....

You know how the expression goes "got up on the wrong side of the bed"? Well, I'm pretty sure Riley fell out of the wrong side of the bed this morning. I swear she has a little demon in her sometimes! I always knew the name 'Riley' would have spunk, but maybe I should have picked a different name for her. She is going to be hard to handle in a couple of years....

The school decided she needs a mentor now. Now exactly sure what they mean by that. The paper said something about an adult to help comfort and nurture the child. Well, I found it a bit insulting, but I signed the paper anyhow. Maybe they see something at school that I don't see at home. Of course Chayse is jealous now, she wants one, too. Separating them for the summer to learn some sort of independance didn't serve the purpose I was hoping, but fingers crossed if I keep it up, maybe it will.

After school I had to iron Riley's shirt for their church classes, but I had Chayse telling me how to do it. "Be careful of the flowers, you don't want them to burn" she says. They're embroidered flowers. Nothing's gonna happen to them. Then as soon as I got into the shower to get ready for work, the dog got up and got the bedding for the rabbit cage. Pine shavings ALL over the living room!! What was carpet now looks like wood floors! The girls came running in the bathroom like the world was ending, but locked up the dog. Then they came back to tell me that the vaccuum is smoking, and got extremely concerned that the fire department would be coming for it. They can add a little humor to most situations, even though they don't mean to.

Riley overdramatizes everything and couldn't possibly be in the room with the vaccuum, because it smelled just soooo bad. But she survived it, with a scarf tied around her face! Then Chayse went in to her 'poor me' phase, which means that she does EVERYTHING around the house, and nobody appreciates her. They finally got picked up for church, and all this happened in less than an hour, because they were home for about 45 minutes before leaving.

What, oh WHAT, will I be in for tomorrow?!?!

Just Another Day

Well, the day is pretty much over. Got some more cleaning done and then the girls came home from school. That means that tomorrow is more cleaning, the points list thing didn't work out so well tonight. It worked a little bit, but not nearly as well as last night. Oh well. Just keep trying, right? We managed to get homework done, and dinner eaten. Even though after I bombed with the fried chicken we ended up with mac and cheese. Mac and cheese is always a hit around here! Sad chicken though. Wow. We checked out Halloween costumes on eBay, but didn't really find anything yet. Hopefully soon, since I can't get to the store to buy any, I need it to be delivered!

We'll see how tomorrow goes!

Crappy Things Always Happen

So I got a call from security the other day. Same security I work for. They told me that someone had been walking by and noticed my front door wide open. Doubtful, but okay. They said it looked like my house was abandoned and I had dogs in cages. Now I have one dog, and he was in his kennel since I was still in bed. I worked all night and I sleep during the day. Creepy that people were in my house while I was in bed, too.

Anyways, I found out later that there was more to the story. My house looked like it was unsuitable for children to be living in. I admit, being a single mom, I don't keep a great house, and it was extra messy because the dog had eaten a stuffed animal while I was at work, and I didn't feel like cleaning up the TON of fuzz at that particular moment. I didn't get any help from my 10 year old twins, either. By the time I finished a room, they had destroyed it again. It was a never-ending battle, so why bother exhausting myself by trying, right? Well, because people open your doors and become nosy neighbors, that's why.

So I decided it was way past time to step up. But how on Earth do I get my little monsters to help me? A lady I work with, who I've decided has become a friend, suggested a chore list. I was pretty skeptical, as I have tried this several times before with zero success rate. But I went online to try to find one there, since the ones I've always made have severely failed me. And I found one with points. Points earned for good behaviors and chores, and points deducted for negative behaviors and messes. This one might work. I brought it home after making a few minor changes to suit my family better. Here's a typical day after school in my house:

The girls get home from school, fighting over some stupid thing that happened on the bus, or who got to open the door first today. Yes, their fights really are as crazy as opening a door. They would fight over who got to use the bathroom first, and then whine for a snack. Someone would walk by the other and brush up against them, starting a physical fight and screaming in each other's face. It was always a disaster. I would always hear 'I don't want that for dinner' or 'I don't like that'. It was a miserable house to be in until bedtime, which was usually another battle.

So here's how the day went after school with our new points list:

It started out the same, Riley freaking out about something, and Chayse accidentally hurting her because she wouldn't get away from the door. Start the hitting and screaming and Riley is sent to her room for ten minutes until she could calm down. More screaming and yelling for her ten minutes and begging to come out. When her ten minutes were up I calmly told her she had another five because she wasn't calm yet. Then it became my fault that she was angry, because I was making her stay longer. After that five minutes she still hadn't calmed down and had earned herself another five minutes. This time I told her it was up to her when she wanted to come out. After five minutes calmly this time, or morning. So she was calm after these five minutes. But still crabby.

I pulled out the points lists and proceeded to go over them. It didn't take long to explain it. And they actually became excited about them. They helped me change things, add things, and remove things. They became a part of it, for the good and bad behaviours! They were helping to decide how many points politeness should receive, and how many points should be lost for getting in trouble at school. Then the most amazing things started to happen. They actually became polite!! They were asking each other 'may I....'. They didn't complain about homework, they didn't complain about dinner. They even shared some of their food with each other, and got each other drinks. When Chayse complained about her two burnt french fries and wanted to know if she HAD to eat them, I told her yes, because she fixed her own plate, and if you take it, you eat it. So she did. And Riley wanted to leave her crust behind from her burger, so I said fine, but that's wasting food, so give yourself a check on your list. She ate it. All of it! She doesn't do that. And they cleaned up after dinner, earning a check for extra chores! They went through their lists marking off what they could get done. After dinner we went over what the rewards should be at the end of the week. They each chose their own for different points levels, and at bedtime we tallied up their scores. Out of 30, they didn't do so well the first night. Chayse got 4 and Riley got 8. But they got to see how their points were adding up. It was finally a peaceful night in our house, that I don't think I've had with them in it since they were babies!

Morning started a little rough again, but not nearly as bad as most mornings. They started with their checks right away, and after five years of 'reminding' them to feed the cats DAILY, I didn't have to say a word today! This points thing is wonderful, and they're finally helping out and keeping things neat. Let's see how long it will last......

In the Beginning.....

First, why don't I start with a little bit about how I got here. I moved from Minnesota in the summer of 2007. Right after the kids got out of school, we packed our things and left. It was scary, and exciting at the same time. I had always wanted to leave Minnesota, not that it isn't a beautiful state, it just was the same old same old for me. I wanted change, so I made it happen. And I ended up at the beach.....

Life didn't start out very easy here, we met some shady people that screwed us for money. You find those people everywhere, don't you? We moved four times before finally settling in here on our fifth move. Final one for awhile I hope! I hate moving. But along the way we grew into new people, and had a baby. My husband recently left to go back to Minnesota, and we decided he should take our tot for awhile until I could get settled in here, as we had JUST moved in. Things aren't working out so wonderfully for him, but they're great for me!

It's been a year of change for me. I decided it was time to grow up as I'm almost 30 now. So I got a new job, more money, more responsibility, new people. It's working out great, I think I'm supposed to be here with these new people. They're making a difference in my life right now. I moved into a cute little place not far from work, and I'm single again. Everything is a fresh start....

So let's follow my new beginning!