So I got a call from security the other day. Same security I work for. They told me that someone had been walking by and noticed my front door wide open. Doubtful, but okay. They said it looked like my house was abandoned and I had dogs in cages. Now I have one dog, and he was in his kennel since I was still in bed. I worked all night and I sleep during the day. Creepy that people were in my house while I was in bed, too.
Anyways, I found out later that there was more to the story. My house looked like it was unsuitable for children to be living in. I admit, being a single mom, I don't keep a great house, and it was extra messy because the dog had eaten a stuffed animal while I was at work, and I didn't feel like cleaning up the TON of fuzz at that particular moment. I didn't get any help from my 10 year old twins, either. By the time I finished a room, they had destroyed it again. It was a never-ending battle, so why bother exhausting myself by trying, right? Well, because people open your doors and become nosy neighbors, that's why.
So I decided it was way past time to step up. But how on Earth do I get my little monsters to help me? A lady I work with, who I've decided has become a friend, suggested a chore list. I was pretty skeptical, as I have tried this several times before with zero success rate. But I went online to try to find one there, since the ones I've always made have severely failed me. And I found one with points. Points earned for good behaviors and chores, and points deducted for negative behaviors and messes. This one might work. I brought it home after making a few minor changes to suit my family better. Here's a typical day after school in my house:
The girls get home from school, fighting over some stupid thing that happened on the bus, or who got to open the door first today. Yes, their fights really are as crazy as opening a door. They would fight over who got to use the bathroom first, and then whine for a snack. Someone would walk by the other and brush up against them, starting a physical fight and screaming in each other's face. It was always a disaster. I would always hear 'I don't want that for dinner' or 'I don't like that'. It was a miserable house to be in until bedtime, which was usually another battle.
So here's how the day went after school with our new points list:
It started out the same, Riley freaking out about something, and Chayse accidentally hurting her because she wouldn't get away from the door. Start the hitting and screaming and Riley is sent to her room for ten minutes until she could calm down. More screaming and yelling for her ten minutes and begging to come out. When her ten minutes were up I calmly told her she had another five because she wasn't calm yet. Then it became my fault that she was angry, because I was making her stay longer. After that five minutes she still hadn't calmed down and had earned herself another five minutes. This time I told her it was up to her when she wanted to come out. After five minutes calmly this time, or morning. So she was calm after these five minutes. But still crabby.
I pulled out the points lists and proceeded to go over them. It didn't take long to explain it. And they actually became excited about them. They helped me change things, add things, and remove things. They became a part of it, for the good and bad behaviours! They were helping to decide how many points politeness should receive, and how many points should be lost for getting in trouble at school. Then the most amazing things started to happen. They actually became polite!! They were asking each other 'may I....'. They didn't complain about homework, they didn't complain about dinner. They even shared some of their food with each other, and got each other drinks. When Chayse complained about her two burnt french fries and wanted to know if she HAD to eat them, I told her yes, because she fixed her own plate, and if you take it, you eat it. So she did. And Riley wanted to leave her crust behind from her burger, so I said fine, but that's wasting food, so give yourself a check on your list. She ate it. All of it! She doesn't do that. And they cleaned up after dinner, earning a check for extra chores! They went through their lists marking off what they could get done. After dinner we went over what the rewards should be at the end of the week. They each chose their own for different points levels, and at bedtime we tallied up their scores. Out of 30, they didn't do so well the first night. Chayse got 4 and Riley got 8. But they got to see how their points were adding up. It was finally a peaceful night in our house, that I don't think I've had with them in it since they were babies!
Morning started a little rough again, but not nearly as bad as most mornings. They started with their checks right away, and after five years of 'reminding' them to feed the cats DAILY, I didn't have to say a word today! This points thing is wonderful, and they're finally helping out and keeping things neat. Let's see how long it will last......
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